meetoliver: March 2011

Monday, March 21, 2011

Emo and too much of it

I remember many years back, my colleague and friend Karen Ho even told me that I am very 'emo'. As much as I did not admit to it back then, I know indeed, I am very much a 'feeler' rather than a thinker especially these days. Since young, my grandma labelled me as crybaby. I never like that labelling, as I feel like a weakling. I always wonder why, was my mum an emo queen (unfortunately I never have a chance to find out), certainly my dad does not appear to be like one. That curiousity actually had me examining my tear ducts closely at the mirror, and my conclusion after looking at those ducts, they are quite huge. Thats two huge assets I have owned so far - big mouth and big tear ducts. God is somehow not very fair, isn't it? My consolation is that somehow when all my face features come together, they make quite a friendly face whom people find it easy to talk to. Well, if that still apply these days, with my ever sunking cheeks.

Until these days, that crybaby in me never quite go away. Recently, I became very affected by the earthquake followed by Tsunami that struck Japan. We were planning to tour Japan in April, and I was looking forward to it, and wanted very badly to get out of my work. Almost every other nights, I had to work till 1 am after the kids dozed off at 10pm. Some nights, I had to just work and Boon Heng looked after the kids. It is very frustrating as I treasure every moments spent with my kids. Being around at home, but not around with them. Last Friday, Yvonne smsed me the bad news when we were out catching a movie. We didn't know it was that devastating. Still, I glued myself to the TV trying to catch every news clips. It was horrifying watching the news, and I could not control my tears. Gosh. Japan is such a beautiful country and I could not imagine living if the people I know were all gone. Somehow, I had the compelling need to share my sadness with Oliver. At bedtime, I explained to Oliver why I was sad.

Me - Oliver, I feel very sad.
Oliver - Why?
Me - We cannot go Japan, because there is tsunami and many people died.
Oliver - Is it died like Snow White?
Me - No, Snow White fainted. She did not die.
Oliver - What is died?
Me - When someone dies, they go to another place and never come back.
Oliver - Where is the place?
Me - I don't know where is the place, because I have not been to that place.
Oliver - Is the place 'Japan'?
Me - speechless... (oh dear, I should certainly take stock of my emo and not confuse Oliver).