Happy Birthday to Papa!

Recently, there have been many changes in my life that I felt like a ship at sea which had lost its way. My two kids had become my compass. My sense of direction and memory bank are gone. I actually forgot to get a birthday cake for Boon Heng. Fortunately, I have not forgotten to get his present. We had a belated birthday celebration at Prive at Keppel Bay. It was a french restaurant and we loved the set lunch menu there. The captain there was really nice. I just happened to mention that it was Boon Heng's birthday and the kitchen surprised us with a lovely chocolate cake topped with strawberries and a lighted candle. Although not as drama as Lawry restaurant where the staff sang the birthday song, I sang Boon Heng a birthday song. My singing is of course nothing. Really nothing compared to what Oliver did last night.

Boon Heng and I did not eat the chocolate cake and decided to bring it home, so that Oliver and Heidi can celebrate together. Impressively, when I brought the cake out at night, Oliver, although totally mesmerised by the cake, actually sang the birthday song to Boon Heng. "Happy Birthday to Papa. Happy Birthday to Papa". Boon Heng was so elated. You see, none of us told Oliver that the cake is for Boon Heng's birthday. But our dear Oliver just know it. There you go, a proud daddy sharing this special moment with his 2-year old boy.

Get-together at VivoCity

The two boys having fun in the pool

Jiajun strikes a pose while Oliver is seen running at the background, lost in his own world

The gathering of menfolk

LOST

Over the weekend, while Heidi was still quite sick, we still brought them out on Sunday for breakfast and to our usual Clarke Quay fountain. We waited very long for the fountain to start as we were early, not knowing that it only flows at noon.

As Oliver has been staying with my mum since Wednesday, we thought that Oliver deserved a day out and also, we wanted to expend both their energies. Probably like most kids, they seem less cranky outdoors.

After that we headed to Suntec for lunch and eventually dinner. While we were at Carrefour, Oliver kept running about. We were looking for a nursery room to feed Heidi (there used to be one in Carrefour). In the blink of an eye Oliver was gone. I thought he was still in the maze of clothes and racks, so I stepped back to the main walkway waiting for him to dart out.

Seconds ticked by and still no sign of Oliver. So I went into the rows to comb for Oliver.

Still no sign of him! I peeped under the fitting room just to see if Oliver is with Sophia. No.

More searching and running along the rows to spot Oliver, by now 5 minutes must have passed. I was also starting to imagine the hassle of going to the information counter (which I thought only happen to other parents) to make the announcement. Or worse, to the police station. I was sweating cold sweat.

I began to panic, and frantically called Sophia (she was feeding Heidi in the fitting room).

So both of us (with Heidi) start searching for Oliver. I ran through and scan almost all the rows from one end to the other where the clothes section ends.

But as fast as he disappeared, Sophia spotted Oliver running along the aisle at the bed section. which is diagonally opposite from where I first lost him, and quite a distance away for a kid. It was one hell of a relief to see Oliver safe and sound. We wondered if he realised that we lost him for a while. Or maybe he was the one who lost us.

Numbers counting

Almost everyday, Oliver will count numbers.

..3...4...5...6...7...8...9..10 (a very loud ten)

notice that there is no 1 and 2?

That's Oliver.

Oliver is not the only child, he is the older child

... and he is not too happy about it.

Last week, I received a phone call from Del-care. Every time, I saw the number identification on my handphone, I could feel my heart misses a beat. Ms Grace, Oliver's English form teacher, inquired on whether there has been any recent major changes in Oliver's life. Oliver had been beating up his friends. He also refused to eat his food. When teacher asked him to eat, he ran away from table and when he finally came back, he swept all the food on the table.

While Ms Grace was telling me over phone about Oliver, I could imagine outburst of anger by Oliver, followed by series of crying in Del-Care. I hope the teachers will not be too harsh on him. I had noticed a few incidents that sometimes the patience in the teachers do run out, and they treated the kids quite harshly. I hope Oliver would not be given such treatment.

Indeed we noticed that there has been some changes in Oliver's behaviour. He always hit when he could not get the things he wants. At times, he would hit for fun. Up to now, I dont believe in canning or using force to discipline a child. His behaviour does drive us crazy and poor Oliver would sometimes get it from us. For me, it was natural reflexes and I would tell myself to control it. My action also leave me regretting and feeling bad towards Oliver. It is not right for me to hit Oliver. By hitting him, I am not setting a good example, and Oliver might think that it will be alright to hit someone even if that someone is naughty.

Let go back to Oliver's tantrum sessions in school. After the call, I rang Boon Heng and we were both worried that would it be that we neglected Oliver in any way. Would Oliver feel neglected by us as we recently sent him to his grandma's home to stay for a few nights? Or could it be Heidi's presence?

These few days, we consciously make more effort to talk to Oliver, to praise him wherever there is opportunities, be extra patience when he threw tantrums. When he hit, we would not talk to him and explained that it is very painful to being hit. If mother hits him, it will also be painful for him. When he tries to hit, I would hold his hand and control his strength for him.

After a few day of observations. We realise that the real reason may very well be Oliver's jealousy of Heidi's. Why I said that? One incident in the car may just tell it all:

Boon Heng asked Oliver,

"Say I love papa" Oliver replied "I love papa"

"say I love mommy" "I love mommy"

"say I love Heidi" ... slient....

"Oliver, say I love Heidi" .... slient... (this incident left me wondering if it was coincident that Oliver did not repeat what Boon Heng said. Both Boon Heng and I looked at each other sadly and knowingly that Oliver is affected by the shift of our time and attention from him to Heidi.

Maybe I have not done enough to assure Oliver. Maybe Oliver is just at his terrible two. Poor Oliver, being a older child is defintely not easy.