... and he is not too happy about it.
Last week, I received a phone call from Del-care. Every time, I saw the number identification on my handphone, I could feel my heart misses a beat. Ms Grace, Oliver's English form teacher, inquired on whether there has been any recent major changes in Oliver's life. Oliver had been beating up his friends. He also refused to eat his food. When teacher asked him to eat, he ran away from table and when he finally came back, he swept all the food on the table.
While Ms Grace was telling me over phone about Oliver, I could imagine outburst of anger by Oliver, followed by series of crying in Del-Care. I hope the teachers will not be too harsh on him. I had noticed a few incidents that sometimes the patience in the teachers do run out, and they treated the kids quite harshly. I hope Oliver would not be given such treatment.
Indeed we noticed that there has been some changes in Oliver's behaviour. He always hit when he could not get the things he wants. At times, he would hit for fun. Up to now, I dont believe in canning or using force to discipline a child. His behaviour does drive us crazy and poor Oliver would sometimes get it from us. For me, it was natural reflexes and I would tell myself to control it. My action also leave me regretting and feeling bad towards Oliver. It is not right for me to hit Oliver. By hitting him, I am not setting a good example, and Oliver might think that it will be alright to hit someone even if that someone is naughty.
Let go back to Oliver's tantrum sessions in school. After the call, I rang Boon Heng and we were both worried that would it be that we neglected Oliver in any way. Would Oliver feel neglected by us as we recently sent him to his grandma's home to stay for a few nights? Or could it be Heidi's presence?
These few days, we consciously make more effort to talk to Oliver, to praise him wherever there is opportunities, be extra patience when he threw tantrums. When he hit, we would not talk to him and explained that it is very painful to being hit. If mother hits him, it will also be painful for him. When he tries to hit, I would hold his hand and control his strength for him.
After a few day of observations. We realise that the real reason may very well be Oliver's jealousy of Heidi's. Why I said that? One incident in the car may just tell it all:
Boon Heng asked Oliver,
"Say I love papa" Oliver replied "I love papa"
"say I love mommy" "I love mommy"
"say I love Heidi" ... slient....
"Oliver, say I love Heidi" .... slient... (this incident left me wondering if it was coincident that Oliver did not repeat what Boon Heng said. Both Boon Heng and I looked at each other sadly and knowingly that Oliver is affected by the shift of our time and attention from him to Heidi.
Maybe I have not done enough to assure Oliver. Maybe Oliver is just at his terrible two. Poor Oliver, being a older child is defintely not easy.
